What is a loser?
Well, many people define it differently. Some believe that a loser is someone who has no money, job, family or even friends. I happen to think that a loser is someone who does not trust, love, and respect others. Perhaps the latter leads to the former but for this article, we’ll skip the semantics and use my definition as the basis.
If you have no integrity and nothing but your interests in mind, you- according to me- are a loser. Regardless of your social status, what you do in life, or how rich you are, you are a loser if you possess the following:
Inhibited integrity
Integrity means that your values, what you think, say, and do are all aligned. You could argue that a serial killer has integrity because this person thinks, says, and murders consistently with his word. I would argue that this isn’t the core value, because the core value of human beings is to love and be loved. A short circuit in this person’s brain is disconnecting his core moral values and thoughts.
Unnecessary gossip and slander
In Judaism, there is a word for this: Loshon Hora. It refers to the “prohibition of telling gossip, truthful remarks about a non-present person or party.”
Another word, Motzei Shem Rah, means “slander and untrue remarks”. If you’re known as a person who gossips and slanders, you’re a loser. People will not have trust in you.
Chronic pessimism
I’m not talking about slight pessimism now and then. It’s more about the serious, consistent, and unrelenting pessimism that makes people shy away from you and cause you to miss out on the beauty of life. Such pessimism is both stifling and paralyzing.
Pass an injured man
No matter what activity you are engaged in, you must never fail to be concerned for another person. If you can pass a man bleeding on the ground, leave a child crying unattended, or simply refuse to be there for someone who needs you, then you’re a loser!
No ambitions
They say no man is an island and as such, you have a direct influence on the people around you. By exhibiting the contagious quality of no ambition, you are very actively and directly taking away from and polluting anyone you come in contact with. You should read up on mental suicide.
Mean and hateful
Talking around like a ticking time bomb, waiting for something to light your fuse and set you off is no way to live. It’s not what’s going to get people to show you reverence that comes from love and trust. Rather, this false reverence can be a product of fear which adds negatively to the lives of others.
Don’t believe in or respect yourself
It’s no secret and no lie that before you can respect someone else, you must respect yourself. How can you be fully involved in the game of life, cheering and supporting other people along, if you can’t even believe in yourself as a person?
The fact is that this is a choice that stems directly from a positive attitude. Anything else is your refusal and resignation from taking action on a higher level.
Quit before you sweat
Listen, I’m not talking about running at the gym. I’m talking about chasing your dreams, finishing what you started, and being a stand for your integrity and core values, even if it means dying for these beliefs.
Closed mindedness
Our perception is divided into 3 parts: what we know, what we know we don’t know, and what we don’t know we don’t know. If you’re closed-minded, you forget about the third one, that which you still have not discovered, even conceptually. However, if you refuse to accept that you don’t know everything — your life will be dark forever.
Take no responsibility
Passing the buck and blaming others does nothing more than delay a solution and perpetuate a problem. If you’re not a winner, you’ll never take responsibility. You won’t be the one person that will change the world. Simply reversing this will make you a winner.
Conclusion
If you go through life being self-centered, egotistical, and not giving a damn about anyone else, you’re a loser. Being a loser isn’t about how you view yourself or what wonderful things you can do for yourself. Rather, it’s your unwillingness to contribute back to your fellow man.
You don’t have to donate a lot of money, stand in a soup kitchen, or rack up your community service hours. You can contribute by giving back to the world the best version of you, giving your time to a friend without expecting anything in return, or helping someone find a job so they can take care of themselves.
When you consistently exhibit the qualities of a loser, you are a loser no matter what you think. People in your life will eventually figure you out. So, instead of living in an endless cycle of insecurity, all you have to do is reverse all of the above qualities and you’re well on your way to being a winner.
“If you’re not a nice person, don’t stop to analyze it. Just start thinking, speaking, and acting in a nice manner” – Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson
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Written on 8/07/2008 by Alex Shalman, creator of the Practical Personal Development blog.