Years ago, some people might have said that online dating is the future. They were right. Today online dating is commonplace. There is no longer as much stigma attached to it as there was in the past. There are many different sites/types of online dating you can engage in. This article isn’t about that.
This article is here to give you Six Tips on Effective Online Dating so you can make the most of your experience.
1. Fill out your About Me Section with more than two sentences.
I have seen many profiles where a person writes a sentence or two in their About Me section and then often adds the line “message me and just ask me if you want to know more.” Women can get away with this because guys tend to be more willing to make contact based off of pictures. While some men can get away with it, most can’t, so take the time to fill out your About Me Section.
Not filling it out gives off the perception that you don’t care much about actually trying to meet someone, or that you are a boring person who doesn’t have much to say. If you aren’t willing to take the time to represent yourself fully ,then why should others invest the time in getting to know you?
This will be covered in one of the later tips, but I will address it here briefly. If all you have in your About Me section is just the words “Message me to find out more,” don’t complain if you get a generic “How are you doing?” message from someone. How can someone begin to tailor an awesome question/greeting that is specific to you if they don’t know anything about you?
2. It is a numbers game. Even more so than real life.
Online dating is difficult. In real life, the connections that often lead to relationships are through school, work, shared interests or mutual friends. You are able to see and interact with the same person multiple times at different moments. You know if you have chemistry with that person if you have been interacting with them already.
In online dating, that is not the case. You don’t know anything about the other person. You don’t know how they will react to things you say, whereas in person you see right away how a person reacts, and can explain yourself if there is a misunderstanding about something you say. You don’t know if you’ll even have chemistry in person. You don’t know if your schedules will work out.
There are so many unknown variables. One of the reasons to have a filled out About Me section is to combat this, because hopefully people will get an idea if they will get along with you based on your profile and won’t have to waste their time trying to figure out where to start in trying to get to you know.
The process of finding someone who you match with is difficult, but don’t get discouraged; keep chugging along and putting yourself out there. The more chances you take the higher the probability that you’ll eventually find someone who you click with. It can be done. I know people who have gotten married with people who they met through online dating. Don’t give up hope.
3. Make a good first impression by starting with a fun thoughtful initial message.
A lot of people, mainly girls, get flooded with messages that just say, “Hi.” Or “How are you?” Where do you expect the conversation to go after messages like those?
You might be thinking, “I want to know if they are at least interested in me before I make an effort.” Don’t put the responsibility of getting a good conversation started on the other person. Read the person’s profile and make a personalized message to them. It will increase the amount of people that respond to you.
Why will you get more responses?
Because doing this shows that you care about getting to know the person and aren’t mass messaging everyone with a generic message and that you might actually be interesting to interact with. If you are a guy it will make you stand out from the mass amount of messages that women receive on dating sites. If you are a girl, you can bet that the guy is probably very flattered and will put more effort into getting to know you.
So always put your best foot forwards from the beginning and take the time to write a tailored message to the person.
4. Have more than one picture, and have pictures with other people in them. DO NOT JUST HAVE SELFIES.
Please have more than one picture. If you don’t, the other person won’t know if it is actually you they are talking to if you. It is also hard to get an accurate view of someone’s looks from one picture. No one wants to get catfished.
And make sure your pictures are not just selfies. I repeat, DO NOT JUST HAVE SELFIES. I know that it is the in thing right now, but don’t do it. If you just have selfies of only yourself it can give off the vibe that you are very self-obsessed. It also can make people wonder if you have friends. You can argue that you don’t want people in your pictures because they might feel uncomfortable knowing their pictures are on an online dating website, so ask them if you can have up a picture with them in it or learn how to blur their faces out of the picture.
It is also important to have pictures that show you in different settings because it gives a more accurate representation of you. JUST DON’T HAVE ONLY SELFIES. I hope three times in all caps hits that point hard enough.
4. Ask Questions!
So you did all of the above steps. You killed it with an awesome first message. The other person responded enthusiastically. Now what do you do?
First recognize still that it is a numbers game. Oftentimes conversations will sputter at times and just end for various reasons: the other person may have given up on online dating, have found someone else, offline life may have become too busy, or for some other reason.
Second, keep it fun and interesting. Active listen even though it is through writing. Summarize what you heard. Comment on it. Ask some more questions based on how the other person responded. Let the conversation flow. Do not let the other person carry the weight.
Then remember that you can do all of the above, and the other person still may not show much enthusiasm in you. They respond to your answers enthusiastically, but they don’t add anything new. They don’t ask you questions about yourself. It is as if they are expecting you to do everything. You will know the lack of enthusiasm on their part in the first few back and forths you have with them. If this is happening, then I suggest cutting the chord. It is not worth your time and effort.
5. Do not message someone multiple times if they don’t respond.
Some people will message someone multiple times if the other person doesn’t respond quickly enough. They may even do it even though the other person didn’t respond in the first place. They will get angry and last out at the other person. It is ridiculous. I’ve heard quite a few horror stories about this phenomenon. It may be the early stages of internet stalking, so beware if someone starts doing this to you.
If you are guilty of this, just know that it sends up extreme red flags to the other person telling them that they should avoid you. It shows that you are impatient, insecure, possessive and so much more; and the more you do it, the more the other person will avoid you.
I recommend that if you message someone and they don’t respond back, to wait a few days and then message them once more, and if still no response, move on. They might not be interested. They might be too busy. As I said before, there are so many variables going on that you don’t why a person didn’t respond.
So don’t get upset, just move on. It is a numbers game. Do not constantly message the person and become that creepy person that someone tells stories of to their friends.
Now get out there and put these things to work. I wish you the best in your internet dating endeavors. Leave any tips for others that you have in the comments below.
***Bonus Tip for Guys*** – Do not message girls about sexual things. Once in a blue moon, it might work, but for the majority of the time it won’t and it gives a bad name to online dating and the guys that use it. Don’t do it.