How A Broken Heart Can Be Your Biggest Teacher

Losing someone you love, either through a death or a breakup, is arguably one of the most painful experiences a person has to endure.

It is particularly challenging during the initial stages.

I like to compare it to the drowsiness and uncomfortable sensations a patient experiences right after having a surgery. The only difference is that the physical pain has a fairly predictable healing time, whereas emotional pain does not.

The recovery time for the brokenhearted completely depends on how much effort they are willing to put into healing themselves. Unlike what some people believe, time does not heal all wounds. Instead, conscious self-care does.

The reaction towards a painful loss depends on a person’s inner strength and psychology. It ranges between taking time off to go on a spiritual retreat to something as extreme as committing suicide.

Clearly one has to be very careful and gentle with himself as he recovers. I know how fragile one can feel during that time as I have endured a painful loss, too.

Yet, I have found that if we can overcome the immediate maelstrom of emotions, we can later learn a great deal from our experience and use that wisdom to improve both our lives and the lives of others.

The biggest lesson a broken heart taught me was that no matter how intense a relationship is, I had to learn to love from a place of healthy detachment so that if anything goes wrong, I will stay strong and not let my life fall apart. This kind of objectivity creates more balance and harmony in relationships.

In addition to that, I also learned that taking care of my individual needs is paramount if I wanted to have a healthy intimate relationship. I have to make time to meet my own personal needs and avoid placing that responsibility on the person I’m with.

I have to admit that it did take some time for me to have this breakthrough. It only came to me after taking the time to process my feelings and engaging in long periods of introspection. No book or workshop in the world could have taught me these lessons as effectively as my experiences did.

If you are someone who is still in the midst of recovery from a painful break, I can assure you that with a consistent self-care regime, you will gradually feel better.

Here are a few tips I would like to share with you to help you get started:

Be gentle with yourself

Much like a patient after a surgery, you need to understand that your emotional state is delicate and you will require time to heal. Get the support that you need from friends and loved ones and be gentle with yourself.

Honor your feelings

Getting over a break up shouldn’t numb you. Don’t resist your feelings because that will only make them stronger. Instead, you need to find healthy ways to process them, such as journaling or speaking to someone you trust.

You can talk to your friends,  family members, a counselor or coach. Work on forgiveness for both yourself and your ex-partner, and walk away with a feeling of acceptance and inner peace.

Understand the lessons

Once you feel stable and objective enough to see things from a neutral and grounded perspective, you’ll be able to understand the lessons the process came with. Ask yourself: “What did I learn about myself and my relationships after going through this?” and “What can I do differently next time?”

Getting over a break up isn’t entirely a negative experience. It can come with positive lessons, too.

See Also: What To Do After A Break Up: A Handbook For Every Newly Single Guy

Move on

After processing your feelings and the lessons, you need to do whatever it takes to get your life back on track. You have made great efforts to overcome this bump in your life and the time has come for you to make plans to move forward.

On the other end of the tunnel, you will be filled with gratitude and trust that every experience that you go through will help you become a wiser, more loving and giving individual.

See Also: I’m Saying Thanks For Breaking My Heart