20 Far-Reaching Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You
By Ruth Jesse
January 10, 2024 • Fact checked by Dumb Little Man
People break-ups their relationships. Not only do you lose the potential love of your life, but you also lose a friend and confidant. You often wonder what will happen next.
You pick up the pieces of your life and move on. Sometimes you just need to admit to yourself that your relationship has exhausted itself and it is time to move on. Or are you still clinging to a glimmer of hope and wanting to get your ex back? Have you read the free ebook on how to deal with exes and stay a “relationship geek”?
Maybe the fire of love is still smoldering and there is a chance to save the relationship? Is your ex sending mixed signals and showing hot and cold behavior? Some couples end relationships in the heat of the moment, in the heat of emotion, and may regret it later.
How to know if an ex is still in love with you and what contact rule with an ex? Here are 20 useful tips.
🖤 Here are the 20 Far-Reaching Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You 🖤
1. Your ex’s current girlfriend looks just like you
You ran into your ex-boyfriend at a party and his new girlfriend looks exactly like you. You have the same mannerisms, facial features, and almost the same style.
You have to blink a few times to make sure it is not your lost twin. It is interesting, but it is also creepy to know that he is been actively looking for someone who looks just like you.
2. Social media
It will always be a mystery why people continue to discuss their exes on social media platforms after a break-up.
Your ex is still interested in you if ex-partner Facebook posts of your couple photos or sadness one picture on Instagram story. Even if these posts are bitter and show regret and hatred, your ex is still interested in you.
3. An ex asks about your personal life
An ex may ask you about your personal life. If you are dating someone, he will either pretend to be happy for you or point out the shortcomings of your new significant other.
If your ex is jealous about this, he is still interested and feels threatened at the thought of you dating someone else and not him. In general, the ex-partner hates the idea of a replacement.
4. Failure to follow-through
If you broke up months ago and your ex refuses to collect his stuff from you or set a date for you to collect it, he’s still interested in you. Any procrastination on the part of your ex in the hope that you’ll get back together or change your mind.
If you have no intention of continuing the relationship, take a box, pack up your ex’s things, and store them in a secluded place until he decides to come after them.
5. Staying in touch
Some relationships end so badly that you have to cut off all contact with your ex because having anything in common with him, even a friendship, can be painful.
Somehow, despite all blocks, your ex can still find a way to contact you even if it is by mail or delivering flowers to your office. The weird thing is that they usually only do these nice things after the final break-up.
6. Apologies
If your ex silly excuses repeatedly, it shows that he’s had time to think about how your relationship ended, and he accepts much of the responsibility. He may be genuinely sorry and is asking for another chance to make it up to you.
7. Ex flirting
If you run into your ex and he compliments you or pursues you in the same way he did when you first met, he is still interested in you. It is common for women to change their wardrobe or hairstyle after a serious break-up.
If your ex notices these changes and praises you for them, he’s still interested. If you enjoy flirting, it can be harmless, but if it makes you uncomfortable, it is a good idea to set boundaries for your ‘not relationship.
8. The ex wants to stay friends
Only a masochist would want to be friends with someone who has repeatedly hurt them. Why would you accept being friends with someone who has hurt you in one way or another?
If your ex is still insisting that you are friends after the break-up, he may be watching you or trying to stop you from moving on.
An ex who still wants to be close friends wants to keep you in his life because he is not ready to move on and accept that you are no longer a part of his life.
9. The ex talks about his achievements
When your ex talks about his achievements after the break-up, he may be looking for approval. Maybe he’s been working on a promotion or has been putting something off and achieved it.
He wants you to see how successful he has become.
10. An ex is genuinely happy when he meets you
Your ex is probably just a cheerful person who is always happy when he meets someone he knows.
However, if you are being defiantly cold, pretending that you don’t care about his joyful emotions, and he continues to rejoice like a child every time he sees you, it good sign that the love in his soul hasn’t completely died down.
11. Your ex reacts differently to you each time
One day your ex is being very cold towards you, showing complete detachment. On another day, he communicates with you as if you are a good old friend with whom he has a great relationship. On the third day, your ex is blatantly annoyed at meeting you. On the fourth day, he’s soft and fluffy and very, very polite.
This bad sign that it hasn’t been that long since your relationship ended and he hasn’t figured out how he feels.
12. An ex always talks nostalgically about old times
Exes occasionally meet up, chat, have lunch or dinner together – there is nothing so unusual about that.
If you and your ex are still in the same habit after a breakup, then listen to how he talks about the time you were together. If your conversations never go back to the old days, that’s one thing.
It is quite another if your man is constantly reminiscing about the times you were together; with only the most positive memories, the funniest situations, and the good times come to mind.
In this conversation light, you can see his nostalgia for the old relationship. It sounds like a classic sign that he still loves you.
13. An ex is pushing pity.
This is not about your ex catching you on the street or coming to your home to tearfully beg for forgiveness and return you.
Although such displays are also possible! We are talking about some circumstantial signs.
For example, your mutual friends in a meeting with you as if casually talking about how your ex lost weight, do not eat anything and are generally in a deep depression.
14. The ex constantly stares you down
This is a very specific situation because it is difficult to keep an ex out of the picture if you are working or studying together. What if your ex is suddenly in your new life too often?
For example, began to attend the same gym that you go to; started going to the same bar as you; began to use a new route for jogging, which allows as if accidentally bump into you.
15. An ex got over a bad breakup too quickly
It takes a fair amount of time to get over an extremely painful relationship breakup.
The chances that in a couple or three weeks you’ll wake up in the morning with a clear conscience, completely forgetting everything that happened, are close to zero.
So it is worth considering if you suddenly find out that your ex has suddenly become very active almost immediately after the break-up as if nothing had happened.
There is little doubt that he has deliberately started a new relationship to numb the feelings left over from the old relationship.
16. The ex doesn’t have a new relationship, even though a lot of time has passed
No matter how hard the breakup of your relationship was, no matter how long you have been going through it, there is always a necessary lapse of time for the passions to subside, the pain to dull, and an overwhelming desire to move on. To live and have a new relationship, of course.
But if time has passed more than enough, but your ex is still as lonely as it was immediately after your breakup. Maybe he never found someone better than you.
You can only put that theory to the test!
But you have to make sure he hasn’t gotten back in touch with you!
17. Your ex constantly calls you while drunk.
Calling your ex or your ex drunk is a classic of the genre, of course. However, these phone calls gradually fade away as time passes. And it is only the strongest of feelings that time has no power over.
And if your ex, once he’s drunk, keeps calling you, chances are he still loves you, misses you. And alcohol only helps him to remove the obstacles that prevent him from expressing his feelings in a sober state.
The main thing is that his alcohol habits are not the very reason for which you, in fact, and broke up!
18. Your ex is constantly monitoring your social media activity.
Once you’ve posted a picture (especially yours!) or a post on a website, your ex is one of the first to like or comment on your youtube channel or Instagram stories. This means only one thing – your ex is keeping a close eye on any of your social media activities.
There is a situation where an ex may not comment on your posts and photos, but constantly checking out your page.
Not all social networks allow you to see who is on your page, but some social networks may allow you to do so (sometimes for a fee).
Many people take social networking very seriously these days, not separating activity in life from activity on the internet.
Their actions on social media can therefore very accurately convey their mood and character.
19. An ex always wishes you happy holidays.
It is one thing for your ex to behave quite actively, trying to catch your eye more often, acting through mutual acquaintances or family members, letting you know that he still cares about you.
It is very different if your ex shows “signs of life” only on holidays, but does so consistently. New Year’s Eve, your birthday and the birthdays of your loved ones, Easter – there are many holidays, in fact, in our lives.
20. An ex is always there for you
There are times in life when we are in such dire need of help that there is not much to choose between receiving help and not receiving it.
However, the key points are the circumstances in which this support occurs; the eagerness your lover shows; the frequency with which he does it.
You need to borrow money, you are sick, you are shopping for new furniture, you have problems at work, you just want to pour your heart out to someone – your ex leaves everything, rushes to you, and solves all your problems.
In this situation, it is hardly a matter of politeness and pure altruism.
👺 Obvious signs your ex is unhappy in a new relationship 👺
▶ The ex is looking for excuses
Have you noticed that your ex does not show any desire to be with your new guy? Have you found out that he’s only active in the new relationship when you are around? Does he constantly come up with reasons not to go out with a new girlfriend?
In a normal relationship, people look for a loophole to get away from the hassle and hassle of seeing their significant other. This all goes to show that the ex is not eager to spend time with the new girlfriend.
▶ The ex is flirting
Other signs that things aren’t going so smoothly in the relationship. He starts paying attention to other women and flirting with them.
He may not even mean anything by it, but the very fact that he’s allowing himself to do a little more than just chatting says you need to look for reasons in his new relationship. Especially if he’s actively flirting with you in front of your new partner.
▶ An ex looking for a reason to fight
Every little thing in the relationship, every little squabble is exaggerated and turned into a cosmic tragedy. He is not happy about anything and you can rarely see a smile on his face. It’s as if he’s looking for an excuse to slam the door and leave or to make a tense situation.
Happy people enjoy each other’s company rather than fighting over nothing. If you see your ex constantly fighting with a new girlfriend, he’s probably unhappy.
▶ An ex is always in a bad mood.
Relationship problems lead to a whole range of negativity. It is difficult for him to be in a good mood, he is constantly sad and cannot find a reason for this state of mind, he wants to be alone more often and everything falls out of place.
This is another red flag. Your mutual friends and acquaintances and your communication, if it continues, will allow you to notice your ex’s constant bad mood. And if there’s no cause here in work, relatives, etc. then it’s definitely because of the new relationship.
▶ The ex is projecting his dissatisfaction onto those around him
The unhappy person’s general condition causes them to see the world in darker colors: they have problems at work, get upset with friends and relatives, and are always darker than clouds.
A happy relationship does not lead to aggression and breakdowns; this behavior is a clear marker that there are problems in the new relationship.
❑ Signs Your Ex Is Over You ❑
⫸ An ex doesn’t let you know about him
He won’t write or call you, won’t respond to your comments on his photos on social media, and won’t respond to your messages or messages at all?
Face it: He’s determined to go his own way. No, he’s not offended and he doesn’t want to torture you. He’s just not interested in having a relationship with you anymore. Save face stop talking about an ex.
⫸ Your ex isn’t showing you a happy, carefree life on social media.
After a breakup, you want to show your ex that we are happy without him. Everyone does that. If you don’t see purposefully happy, positive photos on his feed – this means he’s too lazy to even annoy you.
⫸ Your ex isn’t responding to your new romance.
If things haven’t cooled down, even the occasional guy around you will cause a jealous rage.
Even if he comments, “Good for you!” – that’s a reaction. If there’s zero reaction, he’s either an Oscar-winning actor or he doesn’t care.
⫸ The ex is in a new relationship
An ex is often in a new relationship right after a breakup – to distract himself. If his new girlfriend looks like you, she is just a “surrogate” and he misses you. If she’s different, you are already forgotten.
⫸ Your ex isn’t mad at you.
Breaking up a relationship is always about resentment in one way or another. And it only goes away when the person has forgiven you and let you go.
Over time, the resentment and anger pass and you know that the ex has made his intentions clear.
▣ Ways to Tell if Your Breakup Will Last ▣
➣ All bridges are burned
A complete break-up is when the relationship is completely over and there is no way to get back into it. The most important and most difficult thing is to let the person go from your thoughts.
When you remember the person briefly and with gratitude for the stretch of life you went through together.
➣ You understand perfectly well the reason for the break-up
You can easily explain to your partner exactly what you are breaking up with. Without being pretentious or giving boring explanations. You can easily name the problems that caused the break-up.
And at the same time, such conversations do not cause you any more emotional rushes and anger. There can only be a slight sadness about the times when everything was fine.
➣ No desire to blame
Blaming is the position of the weak. You are facing a person you once loved and spent wonderful years (months, weeks, years) with. He a priori does not deserve to be humiliated at such a difficult time in your life together (and it is still together). And you have no desire to blame your ex.
➣ Indifference
You are completely uninterested in your ex’s affairs. You do not visit his social networking sites. You are not bothered by his new relationship or his problems or happiness with it.
You are not emotionally affected by seeing or talking to him. A healthy indifference to him and his life is a bright marker that you have broken up for good.
If you want to let your ex go and are publicly indifferent but still think about his affairs, stop yourself at the thought of checking his social media, asking acquaintances, going specifically where you can meet him, then you should work on yourself more.
➣ No romantic memories
The final fact of a long breakup is a complete lack of romantic memories. If you have no fond and kind memories of the past relationship, you are separated for good.
When you suddenly realize want to take it all back, you will have no reason to do so because there are no pleasant anchors left in your memory of the time you spent together.
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❆ Why do I still think about my ex every day? ❆
➔ Because the ex never lied to you
She has never pretended to be someone else in a relationship and has always been herself. She wasn’t afraid to answer your questions honestly and directly and didn’t hide any facts about her life.
She was frank about her desires and dreams. All this allowed you to trust her unconditionally in everything. You may have missed the sense of confidence you felt around her.
➔ Because your ex made you laugh.
A joke or a prank she pulled could cheer you up even when you were tired and cranky. Even when you were black as a cloud and throwing lightning bolts, she knew how to lighten the mood.
You laughed at her jokes, at her, with her, and your sense of humor was more than shared, it was one.
You can bet when something curiosity happens in your life, you fight the urge to call her because she would appreciate the joke.
➔ Because your ex understood you.
She could tell your genuine smile from a strained and fake one. She knew how you acted when you were nervous, angry, sad, happy. She could read your mood and feelings in one look.
You didn’t need to explain to her when you wanted privacy and when you wanted a private conversation, just eye contact was enough. She could understand you without words and you probably already knew how valuable that was.
➔ Because your ex was your ray of light.
She was a bright and shining spot in your dark, grey days.
She was a soft text message in the middle of a busy day at work, she was an inspiring phone call before an important presentation, she was an encouraging smile when you were having trouble making a decision, she was a warm cozy dinner in the middle of a cold autumn moping, she was a gentle physical contact that made you forget all the hardships. You remember it all, of course, you miss it all madly.
➔ Because the new girlfriend isn’t you.
The current girlfriend doesn’t understand his subtle hints, his sense of humor, and his sarcasm. She doesn’t know what’s bothering him, she doesn’t know how to comfort him.
She doesn’t know how to make him smile and laugh to tears. She doesn’t know how to love him yet. And he misses his ex because he finally realized how much his ex loved him.
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♨ Signs That Show He Cares About You ♨
You should respond positively to the following 5 good signs.
1. An ex dating your polar opposite
Experts point out that sometimes exes try to compensate for the pain of a breakup by finding someone who is nothing like their ex.
If your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend is nothing like you, there’s a good chance he still likes you but is trying to use the new girl to get over you.
2. Your ex’s social media activity is very high
Is your ex stalking you on social media? If your ex is looking at your social media comments, sharing what you post, and liking your posts, these are signs that he still has feelings for you. Despite the social media affiliate disclosure policy, an ex will always find a way to follow your posts on social media. Guys don’t waste their time and energy on things that mean little to them.
Is your ex posting too many pictures from parties? He feels he has to capture all the “fun” events and blows up his social media accounts because he hasn’t moved on.
Your ex tries to inundate you with photos indicating that he’s “moved on” and that he’s “over you,” even if his actions indicate otherwise.
But if your ex has unsubscribed from your social media accounts and deleted them from his friends, it means he’s trying to move on and doesn’t want you in his life.
Often staying in touch on social media can be detrimental because it opens doors to communication and prevents both exes from finding closure.
Also, if there is no change in his social media activity, it may indicate that he is getting over the break-up maturely and is moving on with his life.
3. The ex hasn’t returned your things
You probably exchanged a lot of gifts and items for the sake of the relationship. Do you still have your ex-boyfriend’s stuff? Is he dragging his feet tying up loose ends?
If your ex isn’t completely over you, he’ll choose not to pick up his stuff so that he has an excuse to come get it at another time.
As long as things are belonging to him in your house, the two of you will always have unfinished business. He has also returned your things and asked you to give them back to him.
If your ex-boyfriend has returned all your stuff to you, returned gifts after the break-up, and taken back his things, this is his way of telling you that he is serious about moving on.
If everything has been returned to its rightful owners, then no business has been left unfinished and he is ready to move on.
4. The ex stays the same
If you realize that your ex-boyfriend is trying something new and having new experiences, you should recognize that he’s moving on with his life.
Is he learning a new language? Traveling more? Going camping? Going camping?
This tells you that your boyfriend is leaving. He wants a life that takes him out of his comfort zone and everyday routine. When is the best way to move on!
5. The ex hasn’t moved on
Moving on doesn’t always have to be symbolic. Sometimes people can walk away after a breakup, especially if the ex-couples worked in the same place or have mutual friends.
If he leaves, that’s a big deal. It means that he is not planning to date again because he does not see you in the future.
💟 How to let go of your ex 💟
“I can’t get over my ex” is a problem for millions of people all over the world that makes you suffer, cry and feel lonely. It can take a week, a month, a year, and you will still want to get back what is lost.
It doesn’t even matter if the breakup was initiated by you or your ex. The pain of the breakup and ex’s cold behavior can haunt you no matter where you go or who you are with.
➻ Make time for yourself
It’s in your best interest not to drown in a swamp of sad thoughts. It is understandable that often hands down, you do not want to do anything.
Recognize that your personal life did not just consist of a relationship – it can be work, hobbies, family, best friends, pets, and other positive feelings.
Keep doing what you love interest after work hours or discover something new. For example, you could start experimenting in the kitchen, trying out unusual dishes. Or you could sign up for dance or yoga class.
In general, combine the pleasures with the useful, most importantly, do not lock yourself up with your problems and think about other important things in your life.
Get yourself in the mood for sports and don’t wash your sorrows away with alcohol. Bad habits won’t solve your problem, they will only make it worse.
A gym, new job or even fun science-based quiz will help you get your negative energy out, so you won’t have the energy to burst into tears and tantrums. Start communicating with some other person in a other space.
➻ Think of yourself
Try to be realistic and figure out why your relationship ended. In any case, you shouldn’t constantly blame yourself for all your sins. The truth is that both partners are usually to blame for the break-up.
If you feel remorse all the time, try to spell out all your problems with your ex-boyfriend, and maybe you’ll reconsider your attitude towards the reason why your love affair ended.
Constant feelings of guilt can lead to new complexes or reinforce old ones, often becoming a barrier to a happy future. Break free from these shackles and accept the fact that not only you, but everyone else in the world, can be wrong. It’s not a good idea to go to a friendly lunch at an ex’s house.
➻ Address the source of the problem.
You need to stop communicating with your ex. And if this isn’t possible for whatever reason (e.g., you live in adjacent houses or work together), try to minimize all contact. Seeing an ex-boyfriend you used to spend time with is difficult.
It can bring back memories, both warm and painful. It’s a mental strain to keep replaying them when you are looking at him. And if you still love him but can’t be together now, reducing communication to a minimum or no contact at all is the first thing you should do.
Don’t return his calls and texts, don’t meet him for a cup of coffee as if you were just old friends. You’ll only hurt yourself if you give in to the impulse.
You will be overwhelmed with feelings of grief, disappointment, regret, sadness. You will only prolong your anguish.
Don’t take him up on his offer to be his friend. He may start another relationship, start telling you about it, thereby making you jealous, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Being friends may take a long time until all the feelings die down and you become comfortable with it.
However, if you start a new relationship, will your current boyfriend be thrilled when he finds out you are friends with your ex-boyfriend? Not likely. It won’t do anyone any good, especially not you.
It’s also a good idea to get rid of any items that remind you of your ex-partner. If you do not have enough strength to burn or throw cards, letters, gifts, put everything in one box and put it away from sight.
You can return any items to him, taking your own in return. Nothing should be flashed in front of your eyes so you don’t get upset.
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➻ Don’t turn down the help of those closest to you.
Your nearest and dearest will always support you and be at your side. They will give you a warm and supportive feeling that you are not alone and loved and that life doesn’t end there.
Talk to them more often, they will always listen to you and understand. When you feel their attention and care, it shows you that you are worthy of love and happiness.
Even if they are far away, keep in touch by phone and video calls, distance won’t be a barrier to making you feel needed.
➻ Wait until you are fully “recovered”.
The worst thing you can do is jump right back into a new relationship.
You’ll immediately start comparing the new man to your ex and this will prevent you from fully connecting with your new partner. This will not help you and simply offend the young man with your behavior.
A new relationship will be healthy and fulfilling if you immediately forget about your ex when you meet your new partner and have new feelings.
☂ How do you know if your ex still cares about you? ☂
➯ An ex reminds you of yourself.
He is showing up in some way: greeting you on holidays, periodically checking in on your social media page, be aware that you are seeing him.
In other words, he deliberately flashes you in your face, making sure you don’t forget yourself. There may be some intent in this.
➯ You realize that the man is trying to establish (or re-establish) contact with you.
Sometimes he may call and ask for advice. He may tell you that you have forgotten something from him or he from you.
Ex might even suggest that we meet for coffee or go to the cinema because he happens to have an extra ticket. This is a clear sign that he misses you and wants you back in his life.
➯ Friends periodically remind you of your ex.
“Saw your ex the other day, he’s doing so-and-so. He sends his regards, asks how you are.” If he asks friends to give you something nice or is interested in your life, this could mean that the ex is shy for some reason, and he cares about you.
➯ You cross paths for some kind of business or project.
You are forced to see and communicate with your ex, and as time passes, these intersections tend to become more frequent and warmer. And if your ex doesn’t avoid contact with you, doesn’t sneak around, tries to interact in person rather than through an intermediary, he thinks of you!
➯ You meet your ex unexpectedly.
You bump into each other accidentally, even several years later. Life brings you together sometimes in the most unusual way.
🧐 Conclusions 🧐
Your ex’s attachment is like this fire. On one side you can open a window and give him the air of your attention, on the flip side you wait for the flame to gradually die out without him.
If an ex offers to rekindle a relationship, to apply immediately his offer is not a good idea. Above all, never forget the main reason why your relationship with your lover went down the drain. On the other hand, you should always give a second chance – and never give a third.
The only thing never changes: everyone thinks of exes. Our memory is not a hard drive that can be formatted (sometimes that’s a huge flaw in it).
Relevant Questions:
Q: Is he still emotionally attached to his ex?
A: That is a difficult question. It takes a long time before the fond memories of a good relationship leave his heart. But if a previous relationship has not left pleasant memories, he will quickly forget them.
Q: Why would an ex want to be friends?
A: This is a positive sign that the ex harbors hope for a future reunion.
Q: Why did my ex move on so fast?
A: If he has made a final decision to break up, this is the best way for both of you to get over it.
Learn the 3 mistakes that lead to divorce/separation (it’s not too late –WATCH THIS VIDEO NOW!)
Ruth Jesse
Ruth is a life coach who specialises in relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.