Dating a Man with Kids Guide: Pros, Cons, Things to Know
Men and women between the ages of 18 and 25 are more confident and capable of making better decisions. They are better at seeing warning signs and making confident judgments. They are also better at obtaining and giving support to romantic relationships, as well as expressing whatever they need and using what their partners provide them.
When it comes to love, do you feel vulnerable? Do you ever feel like your partner has to agree with you all of the time?
Do you have concerns about being a single parent?
If you answered yes to all of these questions, you should start your dating journey with a man who has children. You read that correctly. When it comes to relationships, dedication, and healthy romantic life, a child’s parent is significantly more serious and responsible. Dating a man with children is not the same as dating men without children.
A few things must be put into perspective.
These children, who are the children of someone else, will be your kids in the future.
Pros of Dating a man with kids
1). Common single parents’ life struggles
A single mom or dad can always understand the struggle of one another. Hence, communication is a lot easier.
2). Knowing he has a dad’s attention span
Knowing that someone has already had a child and has experienced the beauty of it reflects how well a man can manage family life. A man with kids would most likely know where your child is coming from. His experiences with his children would help him bond with your children.
3). Would be clear about wanting or not wanting more kids
Single fathers often have pellucid ideas about what they want from a future relationship. Hence, this man would already know if he wants or does not want more children in the future.
Cons of dating a man with kids
1). Visitation Schedules
These can sometimes be difficult to keep up with. His kid might not want you around during every visitation, hence it might be a bit difficult to bridge the gap between you and the kid.
2). Demanding Individuals
Remember he has a ton of demanding individuals around him. Such as a parent of his, who might be helping look after the child.
3). Accommodating more lives
You would need to accommodate more lives. Starting with the other parent, the new child or children, and obviously your boyfriend.
4). Crazy Dating schedule
A boyfriend with a child or children is never completely easy to date. You need to plan almost every date. Random dates are less likely to occur. Hence, dating itself can have a crazy schedule.
8 Things To Know When Dating a Man With Kids
Know what you want and need in a relationship. This is your life and soon you are going to be a part of someone else’s life. You must pay great attention to his and his children’s lives.
1). Selecting the right person
You need to spend even one time with this individual before meeting his family in order to determine if that’s the proper person.
It’ll always be easier to date a man having children if you really are happy to spend time with him in order to transform this serious connection into marriage.
If you want your relationship to thrive, you must claim ownership of it. Healthy marriages begin with a positive, devoted man and woman who are willing to face hurdles to make it work! It’s not a key issue.
2). Using the right skills from the absolute beginning
Make him believe you are genuinely concerned about your boyfriend’s child. It doesn’t signify if he has one or more children; as long as he is a decent father, everything will be fine.
3). Insight, mutuality, and emotion regulation form the basis for romantic competence
You need to have the ability to function adaptively. You will now be the other parent. Imagine as if he is your “now husband” and only you can help this family prosper.
For these children, you are the adult figure who needs to bind this family together for good. Forget about all your previous relationships as well as all his previous relationships for you are now starting fresh.
Take every single night as a date night. This is your own relationship and you need to display emotional regulation regardless of the day and time. Be prepared for the unknown future.
4). Figuring out what you need
Plan date nights according to what you want and need. Do not just take him as a single parent but as a romantic partner and future husband. You are not only dating a man with kids but starting up an entirely new relationship.
Once you start dating, you need to pay special attention to alone time and the maximum amount of it that you can get. How this relationship progresses will only be determined by the amount of time that you spend together. This will enable you to find out what you need and vice versa.
5). Building the right relationship
This is crucial to every relationship. First dates can land in a tricky situation. Unlike single moms, single dads do not always rush into new relationships. They know they’ll face many battles once they start dating for they have kids.
The future is unknown. In order to build the right relationship, you need to put in perspective all the times that you’ve started dating and what caused turbulence in your relationships. You need to be fully invested and honest with a single father. His life comes with baggage and that’s completely common sense.
6). Getting out of unhealthy relationships
Getting out of a healthy relationship is one of the bravest and most difficult things one can do. It’s a big deal. Someone coming out of a bad relationship would very well know what he expects in a partner. If you are a single mom, I’m pretty sure you would have a good idea about what you don’t want in a partner!
Similarly, a man with kids would know what to expect from a woman with kids. If you somehow feel obliged to keep up a conversation with him then step right away. Most healthy relationships start from just being friends. Then this friend is upgraded to a boyfriend and finally to a husband.
7). Insight is about awareness and understanding and learning
If you think that dating a man with kids is like dating a woman with kids then you are wrong. It’s not totally equal. When men have kids, they don’t really have to deal with the child because he’s not the primary caregiver.
But when a woman has a child, the kid obviously becomes a part of her life because they are around constantly whether you like it or not. As for men, that’s a bad thing because men, in general, don’t like kids in the same manner women do. While they would easily adjust to kids, it would take a great amount of time for them to accept them as their own.
With women, it’s easier to love and care for a child. This motherly instinct is instilled in them from birth. Everyone can’t adjust at the same pace to a new family, yet, when a kid lives with you 24/7, understanding and learning about him/her becomes easier. This will also assist you in getting a better idea of who you are, what you want, what you need, and why you do the things you do.
8). Know your partner better
Anticipate positive and negative consequences of behavior. Learn from mistakes and allow yourself to behave differently in this relationship. A better understanding of what’s really right for you. Make it a big deal for him as well.
Mutuality is all about knowing that both people have needs and both needs matter. Able to convey your own needs in a clear and direct fashion that increases the likelihood you’ll get them met.
Few more points that can help you build a strong and satisfying relationship with a man with kids
1. Pay Attention to Details
It is important to pay attention to details, such as whenever he talks about his kids or his family you might get to learn a lot about him.
This can also help you learn what his kids are like. The kind of extracurricular activities they like, the kind of music his kids hear, or the way he as a parent is bringing them up.
2. Let him feel masculine
He knows you’re independent. He knows your parents raised a strong woman. You do not have to remind him of that time and time again. Let him discover and love the child in you.
3. He can be your provider
Once you enter the dating game just remember it’s okay for someone to provide for you after a while. Let him handle the bill, let him spoil you and adore you. That’s the best part of having a boyfriend-you get spoiled!
4. Deep acceptance (of who he is and what he brings with him)
5. Be his believer
6. Encourage his purpose
Remember that he is dating only to marry. If you don’t want to settle, then send it right away. He does not plan on being just your boyfriend. Dating isn’t just for fun. He wants someone to accept him for who he is and what he will be bringing to the table.
Meet up with his parents. Show interest in his children, and bring them along on a date or two.
7. Always focus on Intense desire
This is one thing all parents must-have for one another-intense desire. Kids can detect love just as quickly as they can detect hate. We don’t realize that children do not need perfect parents, they simply require happy parents.
It is every child’s right to have a happy life. This is the least that they can expect from their parents.
Willing to meet partners’ needs
This is no more just your own life. You need to build the will to support partners in their needs and be a part of their children’s lives. They might expect a great deal from you. So, you need to understand what your significant other expects from you not only as a wife but as a mother.
Tips to help with kids!
Follow these tips and tricks that will help you make your way into any child’s heart.
Kids have lots in common with adults. Talk about food, animals, superheroes, and princesses. Make use of timeless cartoons such as Spiderman, Scooby-Doo, or the family features like Trolls, Inside out.
-
Don’t talk down to the Kids
You may want to lower your status in order to become true friends. Goofing around and doing slapstick such as ” let me show you how I do a ballerina pirouette” followed by something ridiculous which includes falling on your bum is great. To lower my status I like to tell 4-year-olds and up “You’re way older than me. I’m just 2, and still wear diapers.”
Now if you have to retain authority you should be careful not to take your status too low. This is important mostly if you’re dealing with kids who have too much energy. Sometimes kids like that will be naughty for fun.
-
Join the team!
Don’t hesitate to join their team. Like a bunch of nine-year-olds wanted to attack me with basketballs on a playground the other day. I said I won’t play along with that way and showed them the little kid’s ball pit. “You can shower me with plastic balls all you like,” I said, simultaneously throwing balls at them. Let them have their fun and once 2 or 3 get bored, you can say you’re bored too and be done.
-
Emotion regulation
This is simply about regulating your feelings in response to things that happen in your relationship. You have to keep your emotions calm and keep things that happen in perspective. You’ll be able to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and not act out on them impulsively and be able to think through decisions more clearly.
-
Maintain a sense of self-respect and commitment
You must maintain a sense of self-respect and commitment to your needs even when bad things happen in your relationship. The ability to use these skills on a daily basis to have a healthy relationship. Raising a family is a full-time job.
Accept his child as your child yet do not overburden yourself right away. Even though you are now his/their mom, these kids already have another mom as well. They do not only require love but a sense of balance, this is where you come in.
What not to do!
Stop making your partner read your mind
Your partner is not your mother or your dad. Stop assuming that he would know what’s wrong where and when. That doesn’t work. Say what you want. Girls who are more romantically competent feel more secure. Your partner needs to be a good person before being a good boyfriend.
Have better mental health. More optimistic about relationships. Engage in typical behavior in dating. Stop assuming that you would suddenly become someone’s mother in a matter of days. It takes time. Your partner will understand. You will gradually understand how to interact with your boyfriend’s kids, and be a friend to his kid/kids before being their mother.
Also, you will surely feel like a parent once you build that special connection with your kids. Being a mother is the most precious and rewarding feeling on planet earth.
Don’t let anxiety set in!
This will help you maintain a more satisfied, happier. Fewer depressive symptoms, fewer anxiety symptoms. Overall, being romantically competent at a young age is associated with greater relationship functioning and greater individual well-being.
Do not let the pressure of being a mom depress you. Keep a positive approach to life. Learn how to let him stay a dad as well as your boyfriend. You are the new partner that needs to make space for yourself. Let dating a man be more about a blooming relationship than just living in the moment.
A single dad has his struggles that you would learn to appreciate once you start a family. A new partner can relieve a great amount of stress from a dad’s life. Learn to expect less and not let many emotions out at him at once.
The Importance of Love
To feel courage from being loved, you don’t just need to know that a person “has your back” or says “I love you”. You need to know that if you get vulnerable with them about your issues, they will be able to listen, understand, affirm your experience and advise you or refer you to someone who can.
Certain relationships cannot give you courage because the person does not understand your struggle and/or does not have the emotional skills to handle your vulnerability.
These people may still truly love you, but since you know you can’t turn to them for real connection, having a relationship with them will not give you the courage to face other challenges. You have to lean on the people who love you and connect with you.
5 Must Take Notes To Remember When Dating a Man With Kids
When dating a man with kids, there are some things you should never forget. Know that your significant other has more to consider than just you when making a decision.
1). Plan extracurricular activities with the kids
His children should always matter to you. You can plan out a fun day out with his kids to the zoo or a picnic. These tiny gestures of love have prodigious effects.
2). Always keep the kids involved
It is important to get children’s perspectives about things. Discuss where your relationship stands, have open and honest conversations with them and let them join in on a date or two.
3). Regardless of dating a man with kids, always make sure he knows that his family is your family
Let him know that this shall now be one family. He should have complete confidence in you. It is really important to a man that his family is treated with the same respect and love as he treats yours.
4). Keep it chill with your boyfriend
Do not push him to marry you right away. Let this honeymoon boyfriend period wear off and let him prepare for marriage. If he has done it once, he might as well just do it again. Quite often children are the very reason why some men don’t choose to marry again.
5). Keep it open where the kids live
You do not need to live with his children and his children do not have to accept you right away. Invite them over for a day or two. Let things move slowly.
Where you live does not reflect the kind of relationship you have with your boyfriend. Remember, his place is a place where you’ll have to share space with his child or children.
Some Helpful Tips!
Take this as any other relationship with a single guy
Do not overthink about his child or children. Take things lightly. Do not assume children have the upper hand. Of course, as a father and a lover, it is his responsibility to balance both parties.
Children mostly appreciate and like new company around. Most children are seen often encouraging their single parents to start dating.
Let them know that you have no resentment for their mother
Make it a point never to utter any negative comments about their mother. While you can be open and honest with your boyfriend about his previous marriage, when it comes to a child it is totally different. Children are often quite sensitive about their mothers, hence let their child know that you are here to blossom and bloom and hold no resentment against their mother.
Let him be a dad to your children
Let him do things that dads do, such as:
1. Taking responsibility for his emotions
2. Expressing appreciation
3. Not taking take things so personally
4. Being empathetic
5. Providing more affection
6. Being present
7. Showing unconditional love
Be open and playful with his child
Children demand unconditional love. My father would tell me how we children would sometimes come to him wanting a hug or some kisses or want to play. And he would reciprocate those requests.
This really helped him create a wonderful bond with each one of us. Quality time with children is essential. It shapes them into who they become.
Keep an optimistic approach in life
Always keep an optimistic approach in life. Optimism comes naturally when you become used to taking actions in life. you believe in your abilities and know that adversities are just temporary happenings.
The Three P’s
Make sure you remind yourself of the three p’s.
1. Permanence
Seeing the limited nature of an occurrence is central to optimism
2. Pervasiveness
How much it affects every aspect of your life
3. Personalization
Optimist takes credit for good things; pessimist blames themselves for so much, and is “humble” and acts like good things are not because of himself/herself
Final Thoughts
True love necessitates significant sacrifice. You must not feel forced to assist him in any way. These small actions of compassion must be performed with love. Consider your parents and the life they provided for you. Simply becoming a mother can provide someone with this kind of life. You can make a small group of people into your family. At the end of the day, it’s all about family!
