It seems like you can’t do or say anything nowadays without someone being offended by it. It’s gotten out of hand, and I want to help.
Are you sick of getting your “feathers ruffled” every time you go on social media, talk to a certain relative, or hear some BS on Zoom? Do you want to maximize the amount of time in your life that you’re filled with joy rather than rage? Then this article is for you.
I’ve found that the easiest way to stop doing something, is to start doing something else. So bookmark this page and begin reading it the minute you feel yourself getting “offended.”
These insights take less than 3 minutes to digest, and will help you transmute the emotional energy of offense, to attract more positivity into your life and radiate it in the world around you.
So, someone said or did something that “offended” you…
1. First, recognize that your being offended is your choice. And just because you are offended, does not mean you are right.
2. Take several deep breaths, and allow yourself to feel any emotion that arises, processing it internally without reacting just yet. Every emotion is a valid one, if you are feeling it. Then choose to be “the boss” of your emotions by silently repeating this mantra: “I am calm when wronged.”
3. Stop and consider the source. Is this coming from a human being with whom you are generally aligned or not?
4. Discern, as best you can, whether what was said or done was on purpose (with malice or ill intent) or unintentional (accidental or as a result of lack of knowledge).
5. Hover above the situation, see yourself getting triggered and ask yourself, “Why am I offended?” Is it because I’m “supposed to be”, or because I actually am?”
6. Locate the part of you that feels victimized. Recognize that this is where a wound exists, and this is why you’re more vulnerable there.
7. Instead of “going off” on someone, send loving energy to where you are broken. Be compassionate with yourself that there is obviously more healing to do on that subject.
8. Listen to the opposing perspective; you will either learn something new that enlightens you to take a step in the direction of their view, or the contrast may further deepen your commitment to your own belief. Both have a great outcome.
9. Drop your ego or desire to direct, control, or change other’s beliefs. Release the need to gain a specific outcome. Then, laugh at how ridiculous it is to waste another precious moment of your life policing someone else’s thoughts.
10. If you can, wait at least 24 hours before responding. And when you do, use “I feel” statements like, “I feel hurt that you said…” as opposed to “You hurt me when you said…” with your focus being peace and understanding. If peace and understanding is not being reached, and the other person challenges back demanding more explanation, you are not required to further defend or explain. You are allowed to say, “It’s just how I feel,” and leave it at that.
11. Remind yourself that we are a collective, and that the person that “wronged” you is from the same Source as you. We all have the same “cosmic DNA”. So hating them is hating you.
12. See the lesson brought to you from this resistance as a gift, and be grateful that it came to you, because it revealed a deeper truth within you. Vow to move towards love and acceptance on this and all future “offenses.”
13. Remember that sitting in the energy of offense does not feel good, and you love yourself enough to choose to feel good as much as possible in your life. You get to decide.
Notice how none of these steps involve you making the other person change?
Why?
Because we can only control the space within us and 3 feet around us – how we react, how we accept, and how we choose to deal with perceived adversity.
I’m not saying that the other person isn’t wrong as hell. They probably are in your humble opinion, but it’s not your job to change someone else. It’s your job to be the happiest, most loving version of you possible, for as much time as possible. And walking around with disdain for everyone that is not in agreement with you has gotta be getting old by now, hasn’t it?
…There, I said it. I hope this was helpful, and I hope you’re not offended.
But then again, if you are? Remember, that’s on you.