This article is a must-read for you if you have been in the ‘my husband hurts my feelings phase’, or if you are in one.
It feels pretty bad when a friend, a sibling, or a family member hurts you, but the magnitude of the feeling of hurt increases multifold when the person who inflicts the pain on you is your husband. It is because your husband is supposed to be the person who is committed to loving you and looking after you for eternity. But, in this situation, he becomes the one who quickly dismisses you and hurts your feelings.
Now, it can range from him simply ignoring you or avoiding you when you are hurt, and you need him to him deliberately trying to hurt you or upset you.
The sad part is that there is no one-step solution for these issues. But, if you know his reasons for pulling these things on you, it will be of great help. When you look out for these warning signs, you will have a huge chance to save your marriage. However, before you do that, you need to know an answer for a highly essential question, which is:
Why doesn’t he care anymore?
For some reason, your husband might be acting and showing that he loathes you. For instance, your husband might not care about your feelings or avoid you, or he might even put you down and insult you in front of your peers or anybody else.
The saddest part of this scenario is that when you go to him to discuss it, he will twist things and even blame you for being dramatic or overly sensitive.
What hurts is that you cannot even have a one-to-one talk about him with the situation. It makes things worse, and it can even leave you feeling highly hurt and confused at the same time.
Here are the 20 Ways How To Fix When My Husband Hurts My Feelings And Doesn’t Care
1. He disrespects you
It becomes pretty apparent when somebody has lost their respect for you. It is because they go from highly regarding you and considering you to vanishing and treating you worse than they used to treat you.
However, there is generally something behind the fact why your husband might lose respect. Often, the reason comes down to a lack of trust and belief. Do you need to ask yourself what are the things that have changed till now in your relationship? Is it because of something you have done or you could have done that upset him? Or did you do anything that made him feel betrayed?
There can always be a chance that your spouse might behave in this manner because you said or did something, but this is not always the situation. Oftentimes, a man can even lose respect when he realizes that he doesn’t love his woman.
If he was attracted to you during your marriage or the days before that, it could also be that his feelings were never real, and it was only a period of lust.
But, times have changed, and has fallen out of it, and now that the sweet and early days of the marriage are over, he might have a different perspective on things lately. His image of you is not in line with the image that he used to have earlier.
2. He tries to escape from situations
It can be very tough and heartbreaking to come across this line, but it can also be that your husband hurts your feelings because he is annoyed and wants to leave you. It is way worse because he wants to end things and move on with his own life. But when he hurts you, he is also punishing you till he gathers the gall to confront you about things.
All in all, it sums it all up. He is chickening out, and he is taking it out on you. He could also secretly hope that you get irritated and end things with him first so that he doesn’t need to confront you first. Also, it will make him save his face and play the victim instead of being the man who left his wife.
3. He gives you the cold shoulder
He is unhappy with his life can also be another reason he acts like he has no care for your feelings. It is because he could be drenched in his stresses and worries. So, if he is unhappy with his life, it can also be challenging for him to feel good for others or maintain healthy relations with other people.
How will he be able to look after your feelings when his feelings are in jeopardy? He won’t be able to be there for you when he is stuck in his stuff. Therefore, in these cases, the best thing to do will be to check if it is really what is happening with him. You can do that by simply observing him. Start by seeing how he treats others. Is he generally happy, or does he give the cold shoulder to everybody else who tries to talk to him?
If you are the only one on the receiving end of his cold behavior, then his unhappiness with life isn’t the reason. But, if he is behaving similarly to everybody else, it could point to a deeper problem that could also be taking a toll on him.
4. He takes you and everything you do for granted
It can also mean that there is a lack of balance in your relationship with him. If he is the dominating one if you allow his controlling behavior, and if you also fail to stand up for yourself, he might take undue advantage and show his control by hurting your feelings.
Honestly, it is not the best situation for you.
If your situation is similar, then it can mean that your husband is not a nice person. There is also a chance that you have promoted the way he behaves to the point that treating you poorly is normal. You could also be thinking that he was a different man before marriage. It can also mean that your spouse possesses narcissistic tendencies.
Narcissistic people are also the best at charming the people of their interest and liking, but once they have you, they can lose interest in an instant. Eventually, it will make the relationship toxic. Therefore, being in a marriage with somebody who takes you for granted and doesn’t care about you isn’t a good position or even a healthy marriage for you.
5. He always dismisses your feelings
Him dismissing your feelings is undoubtedly the most vital sign to look out for in these situations. He might downplay your arguments, or he might even brush off or avoid your feelings or act like it’s nothing. These things can be highly frustrating when he constantly overlooks your feelings. And over time, it might also end up with you wondering if you are the real problem here.
If that is so, you need to let yourself know that your feelings are normal and valid. Just because your husband ignores your feelings, it doesn’t mean at all that your feelings are less important.
As mentioned above, there can also be a possibility that you could have upset him. Similarly, it can also be that you have not done anything, which makes his behavior highly unjustifiable.
6. He insults you in front of other people
Being emotionally abused is the worst. As two married people, you wouldn’t like it if your matters were out in public. Irrespective of how much your husband irritates you, husband-wife issues should be between the two of you. So, what does it mean when your husband says hurtful things to you in front of others? For starters, it shows that he doesn’t respect you. All of that also hinders your self-esteem.
Because if he genuinely respected you, he would never insult or embarrass you in front of your friends, your family, or anybody else.
Next, it shows that he takes your feelings for granted because he constantly humiliates you in front of other people. And for you, the more negativity all of these things bring, the more you will believe it.
In such situations, many people start thinking that something is wrong with them only because somebody makes them believe all these things. Therefore, if your husband puts you down all the time, you should know that it is not normal at any cost.
A loving, caring, and considerate husband would do everything in his power to support and uplift you instead of dragging you down and creating a hostile atmosphere around you. He will also always consider your self-esteem.
7. He always tries to irritate you
There is no simple way to explain this point, but if he tries hard to push your buttons, not only has he stopped caring about you, but it might also mean that he has started to hate you. In relation, both people know what irritates a partner and what doesn’t. It might be pretty evident in your case because when you live under the same roof with someone, you will know all about his likings and dislikings.
In a healthy relationship, a partner will rarely press these buttons, that too unintentionally. Even intentionally, it could only happen during times when there is a serious fight.
Therefore, if your husband deliberately tries to annoy you, it could be a huge red sign that he holds a lot of negative feelings towards you. Also, note that over time, these feelings could be turned into suppressed hatred.
8. He has stopped playing the role of the husband in your relationship
This point differs from couple to couple because every couple has a different definition when it comes to the roles and duties of a husband in their relationship. Irrespective of whether he is the one who stays home or is the breadwinner, if he stops doing his functions and duties, there is something off.
Most couples have a routine, and they equally share their responsibilities. For example, the wife might do the dishes and all the work on the husband’s working day, or vice-versa.
There are also other duties that he will take care of as the man of the house. Oftentimes, the husband’s role in marriage from his POV tones down to a specific hero instinct.
It is a relatively new but trendy notion in relationship psychology. Men have an internal want for meaning and cause, which shows the way they approach their marriage. Most men want to stand up for their women, be protective, and give them something that nobody else can.
Therefore, for a relationship or marriage to be successful, the man needs to have a keen sense of purpose. How nice you look, or other such aspects are not that important here. The chances of him staying committed to the marriage are very slim unless he feels this way.
So, the key is to find how to trigger the hero instinct in your man. Specific ideas will completely change and improve the existing situation. Now, when it comes to providing your man with what he seeks from the marriage, the hero instinct is one such idea.
9. He plays the blame game
There will be a lot of mistakes in every relationship. It will be you who is wrong sometimes, and other times, it will be him. But, what is essential is that mistakes in a committed relationship should be sorted out healthily without blaming each other for everything that happens.
The harsh truth is that if your husband condemns you for everything that’s not well, even the things that aren’t in your hand, it is a telltale sign of him overlooking your feelings.
What’s worse is that he is even trying to make you feel bad for the things that aren’t even in your control.
As this type of behavior worsens, you also might start to feel as if you don’t have a say in anything.
When a disagreement happens, instead of defending yourself, you may feel exhausted and simply accept the blame only to make him stop coming at you.
10. He has stopped spending time with you
There can be numerous reasons why your husband can’t spend time with you anymore. It can be because of work, hectic schedules, or other commitments. However, the significant difference between an occupied husband and an uncaring one is that the busy husband will always tell you that he misses you. Similarly, he will always let you know if he doesn’t have time, and he won’t leave you hanging. Lastly, he will do everything in his power to make time for you.
The uncaring husband will never think about any of these things. It won’t even look like he misses you. But, it will look like he misses you, and he is trying hard if he is a caring husband. It might also seem like he has time for everybody but you if he is the uncaring husband.
He might be staying home late or even at the office for work, and he might be out with his buddies, colleagues, or any similar situation. But, in the midst of all that, he never spends time with you.
If you were two people who used to go on lovely romantic dates and if you always planned new things with each other, but it isn’t the same anymore, you should consider this sign. Things were good earlier, but now, you might be feeling marginalized in your relationship. All of it means that something isn’t right here.
You need to confront him about these things to get a clear answer. If that doesn’t help, then things have gotten out of hand. It might also mean that he might find spending time with others more fun than being with you.
Therefore, it might be the reason why he avoids you and why he has time for everybody but you. This sign could mean that he doesn’t care about your feelings, which makes him do these things without thinking about you.
Therefore, it is not good if he never seems to miss you. However, you can decide with your instinctual powers if he is actually occupied or he just prefers being with other people to being with you.
11. He is not that affectionate with you anymore
Being not that loving and affectionate in a relationship indicates that the love is lost in a relationship. It is because the best and the ideal method to show that you care about your significant other is to express your emotions verbally.
It takes as little as a touch, or any physical contact at all to make you’re beloved feel comfortable. These are all a part of a love language for many people. Therefore, if your husband avoids receiving or giving affection, be it for any small thing, all of it can simply mean that he doesn’t love you or he does not feel the attraction to you anymore. Avoiding physical touch and intimacy is one of the many ways to show all these things. Therefore, it is best if you are cautious during these times.
12. He is not talking to you anymore
He might even refuse to talk to you at the worst of times, for instance, after you guys share an intimate time. Indeed, he will give a solution to your questions with resentment and guilt in short forms. But, you will start wondering why you should even bother trying after a while.
The harsh truth about his short and late replies and the lack of communication are telltale signs of love lost in itself. Not only does it show that he does not care about what you feel, but he doesn’t even have the willpower or the drive to consider working on the problems you both are facing in your marriage.
13. He criticizes you and doesn’t support you in whatever you do
He will criticize you for even the most menial things, like leaving the keys on the table. Irrespective of the opinion, he always has many things to say to put you down, but most of it will come from criticizing you.
Once these things keep on happening, you might also feel that there is not a single thing you can do in front of his eyes that will make you right. His harsh and hurtful comments will always feel like constant reminders that he does not care about what you feel or how insensitive he becomes with time.
After some time, you might even stop convincing him because of his criticisms. But, we all know that these things are not supposed to decide how a marriage is supposed to be. He is supposed to be the one who helps you get over your insecurities, not add more insecurities to you.
It doesn’t mean that he will completely stop criticizing because we all have that odd critique in us, which does come out in rare times. However, if it keeps on happening constantly, it is clear that he doesn’t care the tiniest bit about your feelings. It is also best to practice self-care because of these things.
14. He never gets happy upon seeing you
In most healthy relationships, the best part is when you get to see your beloved after a hectic day at the office. Those who can relate to this feeling, know that happiness is unmatchable in this situation.
But, there is also nothing worse than the moment you notice and realize that your partner doesn’t get happy anymore upon seeing you. You might be waiting every day for him to come back home so that you can ask him everything about his day and spend time with him. Still, he doesn’t even look at you when he walks into the house.
Not only that but instead of pampering you with cute texts about him telling you how badly he misses you, you only receive practical and housework-related messages from him. So, the question is does all of it mean that his love for you is lost?
The answer is that it could be so, but all of these things can also mean that he can be deeply worried about something, which is causing him to distance himself from you. He can also consider ignoring you as a punishment in such situations.
15. He forgets the things that mean to you
In a healthy and loving relationship, a couple will try their level best to put on fun and unique surprises for each other. These are signs and gestures of mutual admiration which show the amount of love you have for each other.
And, the amount of effort you put into these special moments also shows the amount of extra effort you are willing to take for your significant other.
But what if your husband never remembers your wedding anniversary? What if he forgets all of it because of some work commitment, and when he returns home, and you remind him, he acts all surprised?
It can mean two things. He could either not be paying much attention to you and your things because his mind is somewhere else, maybe on work, or he simply doesn’t care anymore.
However you take a look at this situation, it is not that challenging to record and keep track of one date. Our phones are always there to remind us, yet, he forgets it. These things might also give you the time to think about where you stand in your relationship and about him.
Was he more engaged and excited about things in the initial stage? You can also get an indication or hint at what went wrong when you can pinpoint at what time his behavior changed. Gathering this information will be helpful in this case.
16. He is unfaithful, and he cheats on you
If he is not faithful to you, it is undoubtedly the most significant telltale sign that he does not care about any of your feelings. Not only that, but infidelity is also the most evident sign of these things.
In this situation, not only has he broken your trust and taken you for granted, but he has also broken all the vows and promises that he consciously took. What’s worse is that he did that without even thinking for a few seconds about how it could affect your family. And what is even worse than that is that these things show how cowardly he is as a person.
It means that instead of being true and transparent with you and accepting that he is not happy with the marriage, he chose to be dishonest and keep you away from the light.
But, you need to know if your husband is going through a bad time or if he simply doesn’t care the most minuscule fraction about your feelings.
17. There is an imbalance in the relationship
If your husband doesn’t care about your feelings, it can also mean that there is a not-so-healthy lack of balance in the relationship. Furthermore, it means that he is the one who has the power, and he is the one who calls the shots.
It also means that he takes you for granted almost all the time. So, if you are scared that this situation might be similar to yours, the best thing to do will be to stop giving in to his demands just to make him happy. It is because you will be losing a part of yourself every time you do these things.
When you give yourself to him in this manner, you are also making things worse for the relationship. When you give in to him all the time, you are also supporting, promoting, and encouraging his actions where he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. Instead, he steps on them in certain situations.
In such cases, readdressing and restoring the balance in the relationship can be a challenging thing to do. However, it is equally necessary to make sure that both of you meet your needs within the relationship while respecting the limits of it.
18. He makes you make excuses
Making excuses for your partner is not a sign of a healthy relationship. You should ask yourself if you are hiding something in this case. Does his behavior embarrass you or anybody you love? One of the best lessons you can learn here is that if you feel that you are doing wrong, it is probably wrong.
Your embarrassment and excuses most likely stem from the fact that you realize that it is wrong. When you are married or even when you start dating somebody, it is pretty easy to make excuses when you see the behavioral traits that you don’t desire.
It is because you could either be blindly in love or even by a particular image of a perfect marriage or relationship that you have in mind.
The best thing to do in this case is to have an open and enlightening conversation with your friends or even a therapist. You have to talk about the things that are bothering you in this particular relationship or marriage.
It will also be helpful if you have anyone friend with you who is going through a similar problem but is scared to confide in anybody. You both can try confiding in each other. But, you must remember to keep a clear mindset. Nobody, not even your husband, should disrespect you. You shouldn’t ever compromise on these things in life. If you do, people will start taking you for granted.
You might be thinking that your husband doesn’t care about your feelings when you see any such sign. It is highly reasonable of you and anybody to want your loved one to be at their best behavior in front of other people who matter to you. It is the very least you can expect.
Also, if your husband has promised something to you, you should hold him responsible for it, just the way he would do to you. You can always forgive someone without making any excuses for their behavior. But, if you cannot be honest with your best friends, your loved ones, or even yourself about your relationship, it can be a huge red flag.
19. He always wants his opinion to be the final one
You have all the reasons to feel unloved if he only wants you to hear his opinion. And when it is his turn to hear what you have to say, he won’t even listen to you. It is indeed true that marriage has a lot of compromises in it. But, it is not a military drill where one person will command the other, and the other one has to listen without any questions.
If he usually behaves in this dominant and assertive manner, not only is it a sign of him not caring about your feelings, but it also means that he doesn’t consider you equal. He could be considering you inferior to him.
He will listen to you only if he feels that you have something worth listening to for him. But he probably doesn’t feel that way, which overpowers your thoughts. Nobody recommends that you should contest or compete with your beloved in any manner.
But, it is also a fact that a partner who cares for his significant other will always like to hear what she wants to say, irrespective of how dumb or nonsensical it may end up being.
Therefore, if he speaks up all the time and wants it to be the final call, it is a red flag. It means that he doesn’t care about your feelings, and he doesn’t want to hear about them either.
20. He has stopped going out of his way to care for you
Does your level of concern for your relationship match that of your husband? It is a very crucial question because, in some instances, a husband might get tired of investing in the relationship to keep it healthy and satisfying. It can be a sign of him falling out of love and not caring about your feelings.
Here are some things that point toward this sign:
- He has stopped talking about any relationship issues
- When you try to speak to him about your relationship, he always brushes you off
- He doesn’t engage in conversations with you; instead, he nods all the time passively
- He has stopped checking in on you or how you feel about the relationship
- When it comes to talking, he doesn’t talk about you as a lover
- He has stopped making plans with you as he used to earlier
- He has simply stopped caring
21. He isn’t interested in what’s happening in your life
Earlier in your relationship, be it during your early marriage days or the days before that, he was someone who always took an interest in you and your life. He wanted to know about your future, your past, and everything that you do in your daily life.
But now, he doesn’t seem interested anymore, and those conversations that used to happen back in the day, don’t happen anymore. When you try to talk to him about something you love, he seems to cut it off all the time. In certain situations, when you try to ask him questions about his life, he might even cut you off there.
If your situation is similar to what is described above, then his not being interested in your life is a massive sign of him falling out of love and not caring about your feelings.
22. He has stopped being protective of you
When a husband loves his wife truly, he will always be protective of her. According to a study, the testosterone level of a male is what makes a man feel protective over his lover’s well-being and safety.
Does your husband try to be the savior when you are in the middle of a crisis? Or does he show up the instant you need help? If not, did he use to do it back when the love was newly found? All of it comes down to the hero instinct, which, as discussed, is quite a new but exciting concept in relationship psychology.
It explains why being protective is so crucial in a relationship.
To make things simpler, men always want to be your hero. They want to step up for you and earn your respect in return. It is there, rooted deeply in biology. The brutal truth is that he won’t stay in love with you, even when you are married if he doesn’t feel this way in the relationship.
When he doesn’t feel it here, he might also go on to pull away from you and search for the feeling somewhere else, with a different person.
Now, all of it might sound a little absurd or silly for certain people. Also, during these times, women don’t need a savior or a hero in their lives.
The irony is that men still need to be a hero. It is because it is built in their DNA to seek out relationships that will make them feel like the hero.
If your husband has stopped caring and being protective about you, it can mean that he is falling out of love, and doesn’t care about your feelings. Thus, a helpful thing that you can do in this case is to trigger his hero instinct.
The hero instinct is undoubtedly the best secret in relationship psychology. Surprisingly, only some women know about it, which gives them a massive edge over others in love.
23. Date nights are long gone
All couples know how important date nights are for them. It is also a great bonding activity for them. When you take time out to be with your beloved, be it for dinner, movies, or even just sitting with each other on the couch, these are all vital signs of a healthy relationship.
But, if these are all a part of your relationship’s past for you, it can be a sign that he is falling out of love, and doesn’t care about your feelings anymore. He might surely take you out on important days like your birthday.
But, even during those times, he will keep it low-key, and he won’t enjoy himself. If you notice these things, it means that he isn’t invested fully in making the most out of the time you both get to spend with each other, which isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship.
❣️ 20 ways to save marriage when it hurts ❣️
The truth is that there is no easy way to solve these things. Regaining the love and respect you once had from your husband will take a lot of time, effort, and consistency from you.
But, it’s also not impossible for you to do so. So, here are 20 ways to fix your marriage.
1. Look at yourself
This point is especially for those who haven’t taken a look at their side of the problem. So, if you are someone who has figured out the situation from your end, or if your husband’s acts are not at all related to your behavior, then this point isn’t for you.
As the old saying goes, it always takes two to tango. In other words, all problems in a relationship are not solely because of one person. Sometimes, there might be some involvement from your side in it as well.
Therefore, it is highly essential to take a good look at your behavior throughout the marriage. Then, you should consider speculating how it can contribute to the current situation in your wedding, given that you found something wrong with your behavior that could have upset him.
2. Be responsible for what you do
Now, considering that you have figured out what could have gone wrong from your end, it is your own time to stand up for it.
You need to tell him how you feel about it. After that, the best thing to do will be to commit to changing yourself and your behavior instantly for the betterment of the relationship.
3. Be honest with yourself
Often, it is really easy to ignore and avoid all the problems. But, what you need to know in situations like these is that avoiding the issues will never improve your relationship. It will worsen it because things will keep on piling on one another till you avoid the problems.
Therefore, you need to take the bull by the horns here. So, sit down, relax, and be honest with yourself about the current situation of your marriage.
4. Be honest with your man
Once you figure that out, think about what needs to be done, and act upon it. Also, a highly crucial part of this process is to talk about these feelings to your husband and have a one-on-one conversation.
5. Have an honest conversation with him
It is probably the most obvious step in these situations, but it needs to be done. You need to talk to him because it is impossible to map out the entire future if you cannot even talk about your problems with each other.
It is not the time to beat around the bush. So, let him come up with whatever excuse he has. All you need to do is to be firm and explain to him that if he wants the marriage to work out, which you do too, these conversations should happen.
6. Approach the situation in an understanding way
In certain situations, he might be going through something by himself. We never know. And because of his baggage, he might be taking out his frustrations on you. So, below are specific ways to approach the conversation in a good way:
- Create and write down a list of reasons that make you upset about him. It will help you when you feel overwhelmed with the situation.
- Make the meet-up official. Arrange the date, time, and place for the talk with him, and don’t surprise him by randomly talking to him about all of this on any day without notifying him.
- Be open-minded, have an open heart, and carefully listen to what he tries to say. You need to have an open mind, especially if he starts to open up about himself and why he has been acting this way.
- Be clear with your expectations of the changes you would like to see in him (in this context). Don’t go over the board, but write it out, and make sure that it should make a difference in your relationship.
- Be 100% honest with your man. Don’t hold back on letting him know how he made you feel and how he is currently making you feel.
7. Spend quality time with each other
The best way to rebuild your marriage is by spending time together. Honestly, how can you even rebuild your marriage after these fights if you don’t spend some quality time with each other?
It is quite an obvious thing to do, but it is time for you to rediscover each other. You need to understand that it has been quite a long time since you went out with each other wholeheartedly.
Now, since you are sorting out things with him, it is a great time to be with him and work on the bonding while strengthening the relationship.
So, spend quality time with each other. Be it talking or doing other imperative things that ignite the old and emotional connection you both once shared.
8. Ditch the tech
Now, believe it or not, technology is highly responsible for the downfalls of relationships in today’s times.
Be it the TV, smartphone, or even video games, spending a lot of time on these things and not with each other can prove to be the kiss of death for your relationship as well.
Therefore, it is best to ensure that you put your phones down and spend some great time in each other’s presence. Do it regularly to make your relationship strong.
9. Discover the root cause of the problem
Oftentimes when you are fighting with your husband, it is due to pent-up issues that never came out in the first place. These things are also what make a fight more devastating for the relationship, and these are also the things that turn the smallest of things into a huge argument.
So, what you need to do is think and find out where the problem started. It could be from many years ago. We bottle up things when we believe that our significant other won’t understand our problems. Once you do that, try addressing that issue and every situation that emerged after that and because of that.
10. Talk about the problems
Once you know where all of the issues started piling up, you need to have a talk about it with your husband. You need to have a conversation with him, to move on to other things and improve your relationship.
It might seem like a weird ice-breaker, but it needs to be done to save your marriage or relationship when it is hurting the most. If you don’t, the toxic cycle will continue.
11. Listen to what you both have to say to each other
As the old saying goes, “Listening is the most effective tool.” If you want to understand your husband’s situation truly, you need to listen to him and try to look at things from his side.
Similarly, your husband needs to listen to you while keeping his differences apart if he wants to understand you truly. So, listen to what you both have to say to each other so that you can understand and sort things out.
12. Go for marriage counseling
I sincerely hope your problems are sorted out with some effort, listening, and understanding. But, if nothing happens even when you have tried doing everything that you could do from your end, then it is time to seek the advice of a professional.
You both will get different insights when you go for marriage counseling which will be helpful. There are many more benefits of talking to a relationship expert, but the best one for you in your current situation is that it has an incredibly high chances of improving your relationship. All of it can prove to be great advice for you.
13. Let go of the bad things
Now that you have talked and sorted things out, you need to know that you can only forgive him if you have let go of whatever happened in the past.
And if you want to have a new start, you both need to forgive each other and accept that whatever happened in the past is in the past. Therefore, let go of all the bad that happened, and make way for the good things to come.
14. Forgive him
Once you both have it figured out, it is time to ask forgiveness from him for what you did wrong. Also, it is time for him to do the same. When he does that, it will be best to forgive him and think about all of it as a new beginning for your relationship.
Wholeheartedly forgiving your husband is the best thing to do because it will make him a better person by giving him another chance. It will also make you a better and more peaceful person.
15. Map things out
You need to map things out in the marriage to avoid such problems in the future. You need to do it individually and even as a couple. For that, you need to go back to where it started again. You need to remember how you fell in love, what attracts you to him, where you are at this moment and how you got here, and finally, where you want to go in the future.
All of this will help you work towards a new beginning with him. But, to do that, you first need to know how it would look. So, map things out.
16. Do not assume things
When couples have been with each other for a very long time, they start to think that they know each other thoroughly. It also makes them assume what the other person will think and what will make them feel angry.
But, the thing is that anger can even stem from an argument that you are having with yourself inside your head, and not what’s happening in reality. So, it makes it difficult for you to predict and assume your beloved’s thinking completely.
Therefore, assumptions are not safe. Instead of assuming things, try directly asking your husband if you are confused. It will save you from a lot of fights.
17. Try establishing specific rules in the relationship
Mutual trust and respect are two of the most essential things for a happy marriage. If they are lost, then the couple needs to find it again. Therefore, to cut down on the snapping and other comments that lead to a fight, try setting some boundaries,
The essence of it is not to do what makes your partner angry. For instance, don’t swear or call names if your partner dislikes it. Small things will make a difference, and he will surely appreciate such things. Similarly, even he shouldn’t do things that can make you angry.
18. Try having a day in a week for just the two of you to be together
You both need some bonding time to strengthen your bond. Try spending some quality time with each other at least once a week. It will help rekindle the old flames.
Make it a routine. Irrespective of the arguments in have, it will be best to make sure that you always show up on your date night and be with each other. Who knows that it might even sort things out by itself? Therefore, try having a day in a week for just the two of you. Plan your dates and try doing something innovative every time for extra benefits!
19. Have fair fights
The truth is that it takes a lot to bring out the pent-up frustrations to sort things out. But, it’s okay. If you want to avoid those things from building up now, we suggest that you fight fair. It means that you can talk to your husband and fix a particular time of the day.
During that time, you both shall tell each other what is bothering them and try to work on those things to improve your bond. The main benefit is that when you do it daily, you both won’t have anything to fight for because you are making sure that your beloved is okay with you, and so is he.
20. Go for the Hail Mary
The final point is for emergencies. Suppose that you want to work things out with your spouse, yet, unfortunately, nothing goes as planned.
In this situation, distance can be the best solution. Since you don’t want distance, it will hurt you, but it will also give him time to think, which will provide him with clarity. You can have your space for either a night, a few weeks, about a month, or even a few months, and it’s up to the both of you.
It is not something done to distance yourself but is more of something that will make him miss you.
👣 Steps on how to mend a broken marriage👣
It is undoubtedly the worst feeling when you realize that things are not going as per your planning in your marriage. Also, a falling or a degrading marriage is catastrophic. All in all, these problems bring a lot of pain, anguish, and other such feelings with them.
You might want to be with him, but you also feel that there are so many things wrong with your marriage. You can’t even go back to being the same people without fixing those things.
It is also relatively challenging to admit that things aren’t the best with you two as of now. However, the good news is that it is always possible to get things back on track.
You need to know that it will involve both of you equally. With that, it will also include the willingness to admit when things fell apart, what went south, and what made you and your man come to the point of having a broken marriage.
Only after that can you find and imply the ways to fix the marriage. Unfortunately, some couples take the easy and lazy route by giving up on their marriages instead of working on them. But, it will be best if you don’t demotivate yourself. Thus, you need to know that it need not be the reality of your relationship.
At the least, it is worth giving a try to these steps to see how these methods work out for your marriage. Ultimately, these ways might help you save your failing marriage. Therefore, if you are thinking about how to fix your broken marriage, you have to take a step back. After that, you have to reflect and consider what is wrong with the wedding.
Then, you need to try out these methods on how to work on your falling marriage. So, here are the steps to mending your broken marriage.
📌 Identify what made you fall in love with your partner
📌 Start listening to each other once again
📌 Reflect on what you think broke your marriage
📌 Keep talking to each other
📌 Henceforth, don’t let distractions come between your marriage
📌 Find ways to feel connected with each other again
📝 Tips on how to provide comfort if you’ve hurt your partner 📝
When you are with somebody, it is almost inevitable to not be hurt or be hurt by your partner. It is never intentional, but some of the other ways things happen. However, it is pretty difficult when we are hurt or get hurt by our partner. When it happens, we desperately want to make things better. But, sometimes, it gets difficult even to think of what to do next.
After getting hurt, everybody has an entirely different process that they go through to work through the things that they just experienced. It is essential to support your partner during these times because what they go through during these moments is incredibly difficult. So, here are some tips on how to provide comfort to your partner when you have hurt them.
✏️ Apologize to them and ask them for forgiveness.
Irrespective of how obvious it is, it is the most crucial step. Your partner will truly appreciate it if you recognize what you did, own what you did, and apologize for it.
✏️ Give them the space that they need.
Many people need space after they have been hurt. It will also be safe if you assume that he needs space, given that he is that kind of a man. You need to pay attention to his signs, and if things get confusing for you, it will be best to ask him if he needs space and act accordingly.
✏️ Be affectionate if needed.
At some point, everybody desires some love, and it can come in any form. Be it holding hands, a hug, or anything else. Everyone has different timing. So, pay attention to the non-verbal signs. If you feel confused again, you should still consider asking him upfront if he needs a hug.
✏️ You need to ask what they need from you in this situation.
At the end of the day, it can come in handy if you can ask your beloved what you can offer them. This question will also help him when he is hurting. Not only that, but it will also guide you on how to comfort him. All in all, asking your partner what to do now can also show your partner that you would never want to hurt them similarly.
✏️ Finally, provide some assurance to your partner.
When you talk to your partner about different things in the future, it will be best to reassure them that you won’t repeat the same behavior. It will be helpful to them when they receive reassurance.
🔍 Biggest sources of conflict 🔍
Helping couples anticipate and sort out their conflicts in productive methods is highly essential to maintaining a healthy relationship between them. According to studies, marriage conflicts come in all magnitudes, and they can be about anything, from intimacy issues to commitment issues. You must also know that these things tend to fluctuate in their size with time. So, here are some of the most significant sources of conflict for married couples that you can recognize and avoid.
◉ Friends
If you hate your husband’s friends, or if he hates your friends, it can be a matter of conflict. According to studies, friend-related fights make up 7.1 percent of marriage conflicts from the husband’s side and around 8.1 percent from the wife’s side. Therefore, it is something you should watch out for in this situation.
◉ Personality issues
Maybe you find your spouse to be talkative, shy, flirty, or perhaps he sees you in the same way. According to studies, fights relating to personality problems account for around 5.5 percent of the total arguments from the husband’s side and about 8.6 percent from the wife’s side.
◉ Intimacy issues
Fights about affection, intimacy, or sex life often prove to be essential, but these issues also don’t weigh that much because couples try to handle them in constructive ways. These arguments about intimacy, be it about not showing affection or showing a lot of affection, make for around 7.9 percent of the total conflicts from the husband’s side, and approximately 8.5 percent from the wife’s side.
◉ Commitment issues
These fights happen fewer times as compared to work-related conflicts, and these conflicts can also be an opportunity for growth if handled productively. Commitment issues contribute to 8.2 percent of arguments from the husband’s side and 9.1 percent of arguments from the wife’s side.
◉ Family problems
Fighting about relatives and family is almost like fighting about friends, but it is more intense. It is because your family is almost like your extension. People don’t choose a family unless the relationship is highly toxic, in which case they are happy to cut them off, which is rare in reality. It is also why family-related fights account for 10.7 percent of the total arguments from the husband’s side and around 11.9 percent from the wife’s side.
◉ Habit-related issues
It is surprising that small habits developed over time, like chewing too loudly, not being punctual, or even things like looking too much at your phone, can lead to arguments. Surprisingly, these arguments outweigh cheating in terms of conflict. However, these arguments make up for around 16.2 percent of the total arguments from the husband’s side, whereas the number is 17.1 percent from the wife’s side.
◉ Money issues
Money is ideally the source of conflict that has prompted many experts to study relationships. Disputes about money are not harmful, and they should be wisely handled productively. Money accounts for 18.3 percent of the total arguments from the husband’s side, compared to 19.4 percent from the wife’s side.
◉ Work problems
Money and problems relating to all the work almost contribute similarly because they are so closely related to each other. Arguments related to the job of their beloved resulted in 19.3 percent of the total arguments from the husband’s side, as compared to 18.9 percent from the wife’s side.
◉ Leisure issues
It might be surprising to hear that something as relaxing as leisure is a source of conflict in marriages. However, it is, and it is mostly about how the couples spend their entire time. Therefore, it contributes to a significant percentage of the total arguments from both the husband and the wife.
◉ Communication problems
Not listening to each other, not being heard by your husband or your wife, or even having an entirely different style of communication can lead to an argument. You will be surprised to know that communication problems account for 21.1 percent of total arguments from the husband’s side, as compared to 21.8% from the wife’s side.
◉ Chores-related problems
There is a lot of evidence stating that chores become less of a problem between couples when their kids grow up and move out. But, for parents of young kids, duties account for 25.1 percent of the total arguments from the husband’s side and around 24.1 percent from the wife’s side.
◉ Kids
Kids are by far the most important topic with the highest frequency among couples for arguments. It is mainly the problem with the couples who are raising kids or are about to do the same. Kids account for around 36.4% of the arguments from the husband’s side, whereas they account for approximately 38.9% of the total arguments from the wife’s side.
💞 Habits for Healthy Conflict Resolution in Marriage 💞
The thing is that conflicts exist in all relationships and marriages, irrespective of how blooming or happy it is. We all go through tough times, and it is what makes us stronger. Similarly, getting out of a conflict, sorting things out, and understanding each other are what will make your relationship stronger.
By conflict, I am referring to verbal disagreements and arguments that happen frequently. People disagree with each other in certain situations, and it need not always be a bad thing. Everybody has the right to a different opinion, even if it doesn’t match with your partner’s opinion.
What’s essential is that you both have effective communication healthily and productively. It will allow you to understand each other in a better way, which will also make your relationship strong. So, here are some habits for healthy conflict resolution in marriage.
➧ Set boundaries
➧ Diagnose the real problem
➧ Agree to disagree
➧ Compromise and be the bigger person when you can
➧ Consider everything carefully
💔 Signs of a Marriage in Trouble 💔
None of us indeed want to have problems in our lives, and we want to live happily married lives. Sadly, we all get caught up off our guard when our married life breaks or falls in trouble. These reasons can be silly or even severe. All of it happens most unexpectedly and often hits us as our worst. So here are some signs that you should look out for, which could mean that your married life is in trouble.
➣ Digging up your past
➣ Name-calling
➣ Verbal abuse and hurtful words(you or your family)
➣ Silly excuses for fighting
➣ Avoiding each other
➣ A conflicting decision which results in a lack of making joint decisions
➣ Jealousy and selfishness
➣ Infidelity
➣ Lack of affection
➣ Lack of communication or when he stops communicating
🧐 Conclusions 🧐
By considering all the points, there is one major takeaway with a message. This is that even if you have done or if you do something to upset your husband, it is still not an excuse for your husband to treat you in this manner. There is no second opinion.
Therefore, your husband, your relationship, and even you have pent-up issues that you need to work on for the betterment of your relationship.
Also, if he fails or if he is not willing, then it is time for you to stop allowing the abusive relationship to continue. It will help you move on with your life.
If you do that, you will be prioritizing yourself and breaking yourself from the shackles of a toxic and unhappy relationship.
After that, you can finally work on the most critical relationship in life – the one you have with yourself. Last but not least, always practice self-care.
🤔 Relevant Questions 🤔
What causes marriage conflicts?
According to many pieces of research, there are many sources of significant conflict. It can range from violent behavior to lack of cooperation to not being able to spend time together. It can also be because of issues relating to kids, relatives, other families, communication, and even financial problems.
What is the conflict resolved?
Generally speaking, conflict resolution is a way to find a peaceful way to sort things out when there is a disagreement among families. It can be due to any issue. Apply the same logic to marriage and relationships, and you have got your answer.
How should a husband treat his spouse?
The best way for a husband to treat his spouse is by treating her as an equal. Other than that, appreciate her for what she does, and if you want to point something out, you can do it constructively.