Picture yourself at work leading your way to a one-to-one meeting with your boss.
Words start flowing and you can feel them like bullets fired by a machine gun hitting you deep down somewhere you can almost feel the pain: They are the foundations of your ego being badly shaken, holding on again and again after every strike. Nonetheless, you stand strong and do not let your feelings throw you to say something wrong. However, the damage is done.
As common as this panorama may seem, it is always brought about due to the same cause: Our egos.
And the less flexible we are to the external threats it receives, the more resistance and emotional pain we will suffer as a result.
Here you will find three tips on helping you to deal with your ego without it causing you more headaches than needed:
1-Do not Take it Personally
Many times the stuff people tell you, whether it is your colleague at work or someone you just met in a pub, is more a reflection of their state of mind and overall sense of happiness rather than anything strictly related to you. Make yourself a favour and do not overreact against certain behaviours. Just let the words flow and don’t be so attached to the meaning.
2- Avoid Viewing Relationships as Ego Competitions.
We all hold our particular vision of the world, our unique set of values and ideas as to what is right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable, interesting or boring; and the list goes on and on. As a result of years of life experiences and learning we have built up our own personalities, and as the years go by and we know ourselves more and more, we grow ever more inflexible, preventing us from learning anything new. This comes about from the fear of our egos being attacked, because ultimately, that is who we are.
Subsequently, when we relate to others, our egos clash. We are so frightened to change that we stand strong held by the foundations of our self, and so this provokes confrontation and suffering.
Being able to identify where the conflict comes from will empower you to put in perspective the psychological conflicts that may arise when dealing with people from all backgrounds and ideals. As a consequence, your ego will not be stricken so harshly at the time you learn to let go and become a more understanding person. Surely, as a result of this, your relationships will improve at the time you turn into a much more trustworthy and respectable person within all your social circles.
3- Put Yourself in Others’ Shoes Without Being Manipulated
We are not the centre of the universe: easy to understand, not so simple to take. It seems very obvious that the rest of the humanity was not put on this world for the sole reason to please us. However, as outlined in the previous point, self-pride keeps us from connecting with others; our egos do not want to feel invaded.
Knowing everybody feels the same, we can tune our words and actions in a way that bears in mind the other one’s own vision of the world.
The same way as you do, others hold their own views and suffer from multiple external pressures that drive them to act in one way or another. Understanding this will minimize the friction both egos will have to battle, making relationship a much more enjoyable experience at the time you generate trust and harvest tighter bonds.
Beware though of those trying to manipulate you. They will put themselves into your shoes so that you feel at ease with the interaction, while at the same time they lead you along the path they want you to follow, modelling your standpoint.
It is easy to identify where the person you are dealing with comes from: if they base their speech in affirmations that allegedly support your view while leading you to something they expect you to do or think; that is an example of manipulation.
In order to avoid this, be flexible on your views but make sure that the conversation stands in equal terms: both sides should state their point of view but without one of them shaping it. Of course, this also counts for oneself: never manipulate anyone. Remember that you reap what you sow; practice respect and you will collect the fruits in form of more enjoyable and healthier interactions.